You Know, For Cuts

You know what's great about Fox News?

They always focus on the story you really care about, even when that story isn't true at all. Even when the newswriter says the story isn't true, right there in the middle of the article.

Wait. What?

Well, let me clarify. The important story this weekend is that Alexandra Pelosi shot video footage of her mother at a news conference, and that Fox News protested.

Alexandra Pelosi, daughter of House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, has made such documentaries as Journeys with George and Right America: Feeling Wronged - Some Voices from the Campaign Trail. Now, according to this Fox News story, she "shot video of her mother at her weekly news conference" using a "cuts" camera.

Now, I know that's scandalous.

Because it's a cuts camera. Which makes people very uncomfortable. Somehow. The problem, according to the article, is that it's not a "straight-on camera." Which would be fine. Apparently.

But it gets worse. According to the article, "Pelosi's office later told FOX News that the filmmaker shot the footage for her own private use and does not intend to use it for a documentary."

Which is pretty shocking, considering that the first paragraph of the article makes it clear to us -- and by "us" I mean Americans who watch Fox News, waiting for stories about documentaries made with straight-on cameras, a group I include myself in -- that non-straight-on camera footage would be used by the younger Pelosi, somehow.

But don't take my word for it. Go and read:

Pelosi's Filmmaker Daughter Captures Mother's Weekly News Conference After CIA Flap

And note, that beyond using a "cuts camera" -- by the way, next week I will be posting on where to acquire one, its proper use, and also how to differentiate it from a "straight-on" camera -- the filmmaker also "continues to maintain her friendship with former President Bush." Again: shocking. Because he has a very clear don't-ask-don't-tell policy on non-straight-on cameras.

It should be noted that the two authors of this article -- TWO! -- also reveal the fact that her ex-President friend will be having a two-hour "conversation" -- that's right, in quotes, and we all know what that means, I suppose, or perhaps one of the two (TWO!) "authors" of the piece may, possibly, know why that's in quotes -- with another ex-President. (One who was definitely straight-on.)

The most shocking disclosure by Chad Pergram and Hadley Gamble, the two (TWO!) "journalists" involved, however, was that: "Alexandra Pelosi was at Johns Hopkins University Thursday to attend her mother's commencement address to some in the graduating class and her receipt of an honorary degree."

That's right: Speaker Pelosi only addressed some of those in the graduating class as she gave the commencement address. Somehow. Apparently. (I suspect she may have used a cuts microphone, which is not straight-on.)

And for videotaping that act of exclusion Alexandra was given an honorary degree.

Now, don't blame me if you're confused -- I'm just reading what Chad and Hadley have "written" here. I wasn't there. If they say -- in "words" -- that it happened, I know it did. Or that they ran out of time to include the necessary "verbs," "pronouns," or "facts" that might be of use in a normal article because they were defending the need for the second "her" in the sentence, which clarifies things. More or less. Less.

The real issue here, though, is not whether things are "true" or "false" -- heck, just use the straight-on camera if that's all you're concerned with -- but protecting Fox News from the challenge bloggers present to professional news production. You see, by writing complete gibberish, the news team of Chad and Hadley have single-handedly stopped bloggers from stealing the story to post on their blogs. Since it makes no sense at all, focuses on facts that turn out to not be factual, and leaves Chad pointing at Hadley and vice-versa regarding its incoherence, no self-respecting blogger will touch it.

It will be left for the commenters. So go and read the comments.

I have, and it's clear that there are many, many Americans who will not allow this use of a "cuts" camera to stand. As well, they will not let their inability to spell or use punctuation stand in their way of commenting on this important issue.

One day, they'll organize. They'll toss cuts cameras into the ocean, and refuse to attend the film that's not going to be made from the footage that was shot. There will be signs, praising Chad and Hadley.

The signs will be spelled wrong, but they'll be straight-on.